Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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