She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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