If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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