Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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