look no pants
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
