just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
