She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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