I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
