So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
