is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
