He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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