if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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