I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's shark week go big or go home
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
