I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
