you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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