Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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