it wasn't lemon gatorade
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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