when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
