Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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