Whod you bang
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
