the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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