we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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