Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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