Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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