I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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