Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
