Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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