While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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