I got chris browned last night
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
