isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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