sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
