Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
