Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
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