i just had sex bonerless
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
