And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
