"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
