just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
