I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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