I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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