roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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