Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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