kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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