hell yes lets make some ravioli
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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