Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
