the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
