Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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