im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
