problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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