god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
