Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
